My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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