Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
