Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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