Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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