How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
