batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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