my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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