Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
