We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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