i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize