matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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