Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
