I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
