By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
