we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize