he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You made out with two different species that night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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