I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
