If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
