Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
