And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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