She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
