im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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