Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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