If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
