My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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