Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
