i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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