She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
