the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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