She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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