I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
