how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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