would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
