So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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