What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
