my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
