My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
