woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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