apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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