So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
