a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
