apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
