If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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