booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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