Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
