My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
