I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
