Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
