you have to choose: penises or morals?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
