a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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