Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
