I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
