Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
