I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
