i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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