I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
