This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
