I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
