I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
