I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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