saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
