I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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