Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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