No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
