I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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