So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I understand Curling. That high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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