i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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