my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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