I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
