honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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