I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize