Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
