wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
