Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
