this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize