if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
