what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
