so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
