the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
